


Fall Into Midnight

by 2seok_8



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Angst, Asexual Character, Bisexual Character, Canon-Typical Violence, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feelings, Fluff, Frederick is going through it, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Post-Episode: s02e13 Mizumono, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Will is confused as usual, a lot of feelings, also not too slow, minor Price/Zeller
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:13:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25799500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2seok_8/pseuds/2seok_8
Summary: Will was gutted and left with nothing. Abigail was dead, and Hannibal had been caught and placed in the Baltimore State Hospital for the Criminally Insane. After losing the two people he cared for the most, Will had a mission. That mission led him to Dr. Frederick Chilton, the only somewhat rational human being left that could relate to his suffering. This was only the beginning of fate's intended journey for them.
Relationships: Dr. Frederick Chilton & Will Graham, Dr. Frederick Chilton/Will Graham, Jimmy Price & Brian Zeller, Jimmy Price/Brian Zeller
Comments: 9
Kudos: 33





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is the first fic I've attempted to write in YEARS, so please bear with me. There may very well be mistakes throughout this, but I'm doing my best. The lack of chillywilly content encouraged me to come up with this. I'll leave more info at the bottom!

Will slowly forces his eyes open as he feels the vibration from his phone telling him it's noon. He blinks a few times and swipes at his phone to turn the alarm off. As he's trying to sit up, he remembers that today is the day. Although today should be the last day of waking up in a hospital for a while, Will's slightly doubtful he'll stay healthy for a long duration. Having encephalitis and being gutted all in less than six months makes him wonder about the other unique ways he could get hurt in the future. He's slightly thankful when a distraction comes; new feelings suddenly start to overwhelm him and make him less worried about his physical health. For someone that's spent the majority of his life despising any form of social interaction, he's surprised to identify the feelings as loneliness and longing. Longing for a connection of some kind after Hannibal, he guesses. These are indeed new feelings.

Hannibal Lecter had stolen a piece of Will the moment they met before Will could do anything or have any feelings about it or the man himself. Even after he was released from the Baltimore State Hospital for the Criminally Insane and knew who Hannibal really was, he still allowed his mind and heart to be taken apart piece by piece until he almost entirely belonged to him. Now, he felt cold and empty inside while those missing pieces were in a cell with Hannibal begging to run away. Will thinks that maybe it's better that way. Maybe he's better off that way. The hollowness won't last forever, but the parts of himself he lost will never stop hoping for another chance to leave with Hannibal. At least those parts aren't connected to him anymore. If he keeps believing the attachment between him and Hannibal is gone, perhaps one day, it will be true. Hopefully, it will feel true as well.

Of course, Will's connection with Hannibal killed any and all other relationships he had. Abigail was dead. Alana had been broke in every way. Also, it didn't take a genius to figure out Jack wanted nothing to do with him for now. Although Zeller and Price had offered to take his dogs in for a while, it was evident from their single visit that they had no intention of forming a friendship with him any time soon. His dogs were all he had left, and he couldn't even properly care for them right now. He misses Beverly. Will thinks about how she could've been the only one that wouldn't have given up on him had she been lucky enough to make it to this moment along with everyone else. Beverly never entirely gave up on him, but, unfortunately for her, that ultimately led to her death. It's understandable that everybody has kept their distance from him since then. Getting too close to Will also meant getting too close to Hannibal, and that never turned out well for anyone.

Dr. Chilton briefly entered his thoughts, and Will wondered if the man was even still alive. The last time he spoke with the doctor had been around two months ago at his house when Frederick showed up covered in blood needing his help. Will had called Jack instead of helping, so he could continue to play mind games with Hannibal uninterrupted. The last time he saw Chilton was while he was in a coma after the incident. Will had felt such a strong sense of guilt and responsibility for what happened that he refused to see him again even though the image of Frederick lying there half-dead would always be burnt into his brain. Although Will knows he didn't pull the trigger himself, he is very aware that his actions had led to Frederick being the victim of the bullet instead of Hannibal.

Another strong wave of guilt is attempting to overcome him when he hears the door creak open and sees Brian Zeller's head pop into the room. He's expressionless and silently asking for permission to enter.

"Hey. You can come in," Will tells him in a more irritated tone than he means to.

He almost laughs at the thought of having only two visitors throughout his stay, and neither of them being particularly happy to see him. Zeller walks over to his bed and tries to avoid eye contact. It isn't that challenging seeing as Will is looking everywhere but at him. He's pretty sure that just the act of seeing him made people upset, and Will doesn't expect Zeller of all people to be immune to that. Driving Will an hour home couldn't have been an exciting prospect for him, so he understands the man's awkwardness.

"Hey. So, uh . . . I should probably ask how you're doing, huh?" He finally turns his eyes towards Will and gives him a small smile.

Will doesn't feel like smiling back. "I don't know. Do you actually care how I'm doing?"

"I wouldn't be here if I didn't. Look, I know we're not on the best of terms. We never have been. But we've all gone through whatever this is together. I've gotten over my issues with you, Will." Just from how he speaks, Will thinks that maybe Zeller has come out of everything in better shape than anyone else. He's never been more forward or mature around Will. The new and improved Brian Zeller seems like somebody he can tolerate.

"I'm sorry. I just don't know how anybody feels about me anymore, so I've just started to assume the worst. I appreciate the honesty," Will replies with as much sincerity in his voice as he can manage given the awkward atmosphere and uncomfortable feeling of vulnerability surrounding them.

"We're good, Graham. Here's your clothes." Zeller smiles a real smile this time and tosses him the bag he's been holding.

"Thanks for bringing them. I'll get changed, and we can leave." Will retrieves his clothes and makes his way to the bathroom at a slightly faster pace than he had the previous week.

He glances at the lengthy, red wound before buttoning up his plaid shirt. It certainly doesn't look beautiful, but the meaning behind it is just that. Betrayal and hurt -- two words very commonly associated with love, and everyone sees love as a beautiful thing. Will thinks of it as a work of art even though different emotions flood through him each time he looks at it. Today, the loneliness he felt upon waking up makes his heart ache at the sight of it. "It's not forever," Will mumbles as he finishes with the last button.

Brian is looking down at his phone with a goofy look on his face when he walks back into the room. It's the kind of goofy expression that only people in love can manage. Will feels another pang in his chest.

"How are you guys doing?" At the end of the day, Will is happy for Zeller and Price, but they just have something that seems like he will never have with a normal human being.

"Great! Jimmy is doing alright. We're still trying to get used to living together and being married. Everything happened so sudden, you know?" Brian's eyes light up as he speaks. There's a certain brightness to them that wasn't been there earlier. Will vaguely remembers seeing that same brightness when the couple came to visit him and announced that they'd been together for two years and had just gotten married. After everything that had happened, they didn't want to waste any more time, so they got hitched and finally moved in together. Apparently, Beverly was the only one that had known about their relationship. At least two people can be happy in a post-Hannibal world.

"Yeah, I guess so. I'm happy for both of you. Have my dogs been good?"

"Oh yeah, they're awesome! Jimmy is more of a cat person, but I get along with them well! Do you still want us to keep them until you get your stitches out?" Will smiles at that. He always tries to make sure his dogs are happy no matter what else is going on.

"Yeah, if you don't mind. I'll pick them up Friday if everything goes well."

"That works. Are we ready then, or do we have to wait for somebody?"

"If we wait, I'll have to leave in a wheelchair, so let's just go while we can." Will laughs softly and grabs his phone before he turns toward the door.

"Alright. After you, Mr. Graham." Brian follows behind him.

Will breathes in the fresh air once he gets through the hospital doors. He can't wait to get back to walking his dogs and fishing and whatever other relaxing activities he can come up with; this is the start of a new beginning for him.

The hour-long ride is mostly uneventful. Zeller tries to apologize for not visiting him often, but he just dismisses him. Will understands, and he doesn't need an explanation from anyone about anything. Afterward, Brian turns the radio on to ease the awkwardness. Will dozes in and out of sleep while bubbly pop beats play in the background. He thinks he hears Brian say something about Price forcing pop music on him, but he doesn't care. After two weeks, Will's just happy to be sleeping somewhere that isn't in a hospital.

When they arrive at Will's home in Wolf Trap, he pulls himself from the car and gently stretches before grabbing his things. It's nice to be back out in the middle of nowhere. He feels secure here.

"Uh, do you need help with anything? I feel like I should've gotten you some food or something." Zeller sounds uncomfortable again trying to be friendly. He is standing beside his car, looking down, and pretending to be interested in the dirt.

"No, I'm fine, but thanks for the ride. Just take care of my dogs," Will says genuinely this time because he actually is quite thankful for Brian today. He finds it refreshing to be around somebody that does not completely hate him nor lie to him.

"Yeah, of course. You're welcome. Let Jimmy know if you need something -- You have his number?"

"I do. Have a nice evening, Brian." Will gives a small wave and starts walking toward the porch.

"You too." He slightly smiles before climbing back into his seat and starting the car. He backs out of the driveway and is gone. Will is alone again as he opens the door and steps into an empty house.

Will misses the tapping sound of paws running toward him and the ensuing chaos of his pack welcoming him home. Hopefully, that will come next weekend so he can start to regain some normality in his life. He kicks off his old, battered shoes and starts to recognize his desire for sleep. All he has done for two weeks is sleep, but Will considers his mind might need the recovery time more than his body does. Doubtful that he can safely make his way up the stairs now, he lays his laptop and keys on the desk and forces his feet to take him to the couch. Will, finally somewhere he feels safe and peaceful, falls asleep in minutes. A possible new record for him.

When Will wakes up, it's nearly five o'clock in the evening, and he's experiencing nausea from not eating and pain from his incision. Slowly, he rises from the couch and wobbles into the kitchen. After digging through a basket of different medications, Will finds the ibuprofen and swallows two pills before gulping down a glass of water. Now, to find something to eat. He had two scheduled meals in the hospital every day; therefore, the absence of breakfast this morning is starting to affect him. Unfortunately, the majority of the refrigerator's contents need replacing. A quick trip to the store and a fast-food restaurant would solve his problems for the night. Will technically isn't supposed to be driving until he is free of his stitches, but he thinks he'll be fine without a seat belt. After everything, there's no way his death is going to be caused by something as simple as a car accident. Will shoves his feet back into his worn-out shoes, grabs the keys, and shuffles his way out to the car.

Arriving back to his house after the short outing, Will returns with groceries for the next week and a bag from Burger King. The experience was refreshing and mostly pleasant. Although, the several pairs of eyes staring at his disheveled appearance had him seriously missing his glasses. He decides he'll look for them after eating. The socially confident man he had to portray before the incident was long gone now, and he needs the comfortable barrier that glasses provide for him.

There was no pacing himself once he sat down to eat. In 15 minutes, he had devoured two Whoppers and a medium serving of fries. The chocolate milkshake had disappeared before he even got home. Once his stomach feels slightly settled, he starts to clean up around the living room. It eventually gets late, and the pain is returning. There were no glasses in sight, so Will takes more ibuprofen and attempts to climb the stairs. After approximately 10 minutes of overworking his body, he makes it to the top and trudges the rest of the way to the bedroom. Will unbuttons his shirt and lets it slide off of him as he heads for the bed and pulls his jeans off before completely collapsing. Left in just his underwear, Will moves around until he's under the blanket with his head resting on the pillow his neck had desperately missed. When he rolls over to turn the last light off, he spots the glasses on the nightstand. Before he can think too much about the person he's become, a combination of the old and new him, his eyes are closing.

"I let you in. I let you know me. See me."

"I gave you a rare gift. But you didn't want it."

"Do you believe you could change me the way I've changed you?"

"Fate and circumstance have returned us to this moment when the teacup shatters."

"I forgive you, Will."

"Will you forgive me?"

"You can make it all go away."

"Put your head back. Close your eyes. Wade into the quiet of the stream."

Will wakes up, breathless, feeling as if he had almost drowned in the stream. He quickly raises himself and rubs at his eyes until he no longer sees a pool of blood surrounding him. Every night the same memories play inside his head, and those same words repeat until he wakes up with tears in his eyes. Just as the dream had started to become a part of him, it gets worse. The drowning sensation is new, and Will thinks he may actually die if he goes back to sleep. He needs to talk to somebody. Preferably somebody that isn't a cannibalistic serial killer. The list of names he comes up with is very short. One is locked away, one is severely damaged, and one is maybe alive. He thinks Dr. Chilton should be alive though he has no idea what kind of shape the man is in if he is. Although he's avoided Chilton for months, Will supposes the dream is the encouragement he's needed to consider seeing him. After all, he is a psychiatrist, and Will may even be able to apologize and clear his conscience of that particular incident as well.

"Frederick will understand me. We have matching scars," Will says to himself as he swings his legs over the bed. He's made his decision. He wants to connect with another person, needs to, or the loneliness might be the end of him.

Will feels confident in his decision to drive to Dr. Chilton's home in the middle of the night until he's about 40 minutes out from his destination. He knows he is being impulsive, and the probability of anything good coming out of the interaction is very low. It doesn't stop him.

Most of the reasons behind the idea are selfish anyway. He wants someone moderately intelligent and somewhat trustworthy that he can share his private thoughts with. He wants Frederick's forgiveness, so he can rid himself of one less thing he has to feel guilty about. More than anything, though, Will wants a human in his life that can somehow relate to the pain and suffering he's experienced from Hannibal. Can Frederick Chilton give him any of those things? Will doesn't know for sure yet. He has no expectations, but he isn't completely without hope.

Both of them had been manipulated in similar ways. Hannibal took advantage of the knowledge that each of them had some form of darkness within them; he tried to convince them that they'd fallen further into the darkness than they had. Frederick's unorthodox forms of treatment he used will haunt him forever, and Will became the person he was always so frightened of becoming. Now, they get to spend the rest of their lives remembering what they've done and hope they have the strength to not repeat the cycle. Their scars are physical, emotional, and very much so permanent.

At the end of the hour-long drive, Will arrives at Chilton's dull, high-priced home. He makes a mental note of the location; Will notices that Frederick has chosen to live in a more remote area with plenty of privacy whereas Hannibal had always enjoyed living among other rich and pretentious people. The comparison makes it more clear to him that Frederick is a man that's managed to hide a lot of himself away over the years, and the doctor may actually have positive character traits to balance out all of the negative ones he seemed to enjoy sharing with everyone. A sudden feeling of needing to know every trivial detail about Frederick Chilton and all of his dark secrets is what motivates Will to step of out his car and walk up to the man's door.

Will knocks once. Two minutes go by and nothing happens. He knocks again with more force. Before Will gets the chance to knock a third time, the door slowly opens a couple of inches. Although it's dark, the moonlight shines just bright enough for Will to see one sparkling emerald-colored eye looking back into his own ocean blue eyes with surprise.

"Will Graham . . . Is that you?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will and Frederick have their first conversation since the latter was shot by Miriam Lass. They leave each other surprised with their confessions, and they part unhappily for the time being. Later on, Frederick makes a trip to Wolf Trap, but things very rarely work out well for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me an extra day to finish this chapter, but it has around 500 more words. Forgive me? I hope you enjoy it. Thank you to everybody that read the first chapter; I really appreciate it.

"Will Graham . . . Is that you?"

"Hello, Dr. Chilton. May I come in?" Will is feeling braver than he was 10 minutes ago, and he thinks maybe Chilton is too considering he hasn't shut the door in his face yet.

"No!" Frederick replies instantly with an almost frightening shout. "Uhm, I mean no. I-I can't let you in." His eye was moving rapidly from side to side now. Will could always figure out how he felt by looking into those expressive eyes. Hiding emotion is about impossible for Frederick, especially when the man he's trying to hide it from is Will Graham.

"Okay . . . Well, I just wanted to talk. That would be easier inside I think." He is feeling and sounding less confident by the second. There needs to be a wall between them. Will doesn't want to be too vulnerable in front of a man that can use it against him. It has happened before after all.

"No. I wouldn't feel safe. I don't feel safe. It's the middle of the night. What are you even doing here?" Frederick's eye is back on him, his intense stare is his only defense against Will right now.

Will doesn't quite understand what's going through the doctor's head. Chilton is standing his ground as best as he can, but he obviously feels threatened. He thinks Will is dangerous. A danger to him. Will had never directly or intentionally caused him harm, yet, Frederick Chilton feels intimidated by him. The once narcissistic man is now making his fear known. It all starts clicking for Will. Frederick had been damaged mentally as well as physically from the incident, and that was also Will's fault. The new Dr. Chilton is a scared and fragile human now. A real human being with real human emotions. Will hadn't seen Frederick in this light before. He was more like an annoying robot in the past, but a lot has changed.

Will, caught up in his thoughts, comes back down to earth when he hears Frederick talking again. "Shouldn't you be in the hospital or dead or something? Somewhere that's not here?" The darkness hides the look of hurt that flashes through Will's eyes as he regains his focus and realizes what's been said. Did Frederick think he was dead? Did he hope for Will's death even? Would Frederick care if Will dropped dead at this exact moment?

He shouldn't care about Frederick's feelings toward him or what he's thought about him since everything happened. He does care though. Will feels desperate, and the aching inside his chest is getting worse and worse. Everybody wants to feel loved and missed and needed. That's natural. Will just wonders why he is craving those things from Frederick Chilton of all people and why so suddenly. Is it the weakness the man is showing? Is it because Frederick's true personality is coming out little by little? Maybe it's just the guilt and loneliness Will has been feeling. He thinks that's probably it, but the real truth is somewhere in his mind waiting to be accepted.

"I just got out of the hospital today. Technically yesterday, I guess." Will's eyes lower as his anxiety level rises. Not even his glasses are enough of a barrier right now.

"I'll ask one more time then. What are you doing here?"

"I said I wanted to talk. To you. Uh, with you."

"I don't want to talk to you or with you. Was your boyfriend not available?" Frederick mumbles the last part with a hint of jealousy and hatred in his voice.

"Not my boyfriend. Never was. And I don't want to see him ever again."

"Somehow I doubt that."

"I wanted to see you. I'm . . . glad you're alive, Frederick," Will speaks slowly as to not say the wrong thing. He thinks he needs to start being honest with himself and Chilton if he wants them to have a better relationship in the future.

Frederick blinks a few times at the admission. Will almost deciphers the look on his face as hope before the coldness returns. An icy stare comes along with it this time.

"Are you?" He bites back.

"Of course--"

"Are you glad I'm alive because you don't want more blood on your hands, or maybe . . . maybe you're glad I'm alive, so you can kill me yourself? Is that it?" Frederick shocks Will with the interruption. His wide eyes shoot back up to look at the doctor. Frederick waits patiently for an answer.

Will takes a moment to gather himself before responding. He reaches up to take his glasses off, so Chilton can clearly see his own cold look reflecting back at him from Will's eyes.

"Frederick, you and I both know that if I wanted you dead, you'd be dead. I wouldn't derive any pleasure from killing or hurting you. You are not the monster that you think you are," Will replies calmly and cautiously. He folds his glasses and slides them into his pocket while Frederick fully takes in his words.

"That provides no comfort to me. Even if you do want me alive, I'm not going to be a replacement for your cannibalistic serial killer boyfriend."

"You are a psychiatrist though. I think I might need a new one."

"I'm really not. Not yours at least," Chilton acknowledges reluctantly.

Will thinks it's odd not having to listen to Chilton go on and on about his career and how successful he is at every brief mention of it. He's aware that the doctor doesn't run the hospital anymore, but he still assumed Frederick would continue on as a psychiatrist. Maybe at some point in the future. How much of the old Frederick Chilton remains exactly? Enough to be who he was before, or is he somebody completely different altogether now? Will intends on finding out one way or another.

"Uhm, well, we could just be . . . friends." Will internally cringes as he hears his own words coming out of his mouth.

"Your friendship is the last thing I'm interested in," Frederick retorts.

"I'm getting desperate here, Frederick. What do I have to do? What do I have to say? What do you--"

"Nothing! Nothing. Unless you can change the past there is nothing here for us. I can't look at you and not see him. I can't forgive you and not feel like I'm forgiving him. Your eyes are cold and dead just like his. I can't get past that. What don't you understand?" Frederick finishes his rant without taking a breath and looks on as Will stares at him in silence.

"Goodnight and goodbye, Will Graham." He starts to close the door when Will finally comes back to himself and stops him with a strong hand on the door.

"I saw you! In the hospital. I went to visit you when you were in a coma," Will admits in a final attempt to not lose Frederick. He doesn't understand why he feels so strongly about the man all of a sudden. Will wants to stop caring and walk away forever, but he can't now.

"Came to finish the job?"

"God, you idiot. I came because I wanted to see with my own eyes that you were still breathing! I left and couldn't go back because I felt guilty. I didn't want to deal with another angry person. You really just don't get it, do you?"

Before Frederick's brain can even process his words, Will is putting his glasses back on and walking to his car. He watches as Will leaves and wonders what just happened. Frederick thought he was protecting himself from a monster. Did he actually just turn away a fellow victim that desperately needs his help instead?

With multiple thoughts spinning around in his head, Frederick returns to the kitchen and pours himself another shot of vodka. The majority of his nights now were filled with less sleep and more alcohol. He figures his one kidney probably hates him for it, but that's something the Frederick without a bullet-shaped scar on his face would've cared about. The disfigured Frederick has more important worries to attend to. He quickly empties his glass before trading it out for the bottle and going back to his bedroom for the night. Will Graham is a name he doesn't want to remember when the sun comes up.

Over the next week, both men live their lives somewhat similarly. They spend their days doing mind-numbing activities. Frederick alternates between wine and vodka and watches cooking shows for hours on end. Usually, he forgets about his own dinner until late at night and has to have something delivered from whatever fast food place is still open. Will works on his fishing lures in preparation for the weekend and makes a few trips to stock up on whiskey when he runs out. He tends to drive around at night until he feels like he can sleep. They try to leave as little room as possible in their heads for thoughts of each other, but some always seem to slip in anyway.

When the moon rises and they feel comfortable enough to sleep, the nightmares start their reign. Frederick dreams of either Gideon or Hannibal. He wakes up with tears streaming down his face more often than not then proceeds to drink whatever is sitting by the bed until he falls asleep again. Most of the time, he doesn't have any more nightmares after that and sleeps until the mid-afternoon. On the other hand, Will continues to dream about the same moments as before. He wakes up covered in sweat and experiences the same drowning sensation he felt the first night he was home. He wakes before the sun and doesn't dare attempt to sleep again.

Their nightmares serve different purposes. For Frederick, they leave him in a constant state of fear and paranoia while causing him to feel immense self-hatred. For Will, they make him feel remorseful for his actions toward Hannibal which forces him to recognize the malice in his own heart. Eventually the thoughts of each other and that night they tried hard to ignore start to cloud their minds, and the nightmares become less of a concern for them.

By the time Friday rolls around Will is quite frankly sick of thinking about Frederick Chilton. It's weird, he thinks, having Frederick in his head without all of the psychoanalyzing bullshit going on. The unresolved tension from their talk has left Will with numerous intriguing thoughts of what had been and what could've been between them. He had never seen them as being anything more than acquaintances, but lately, he pictures them hanging out and talking about their problems like friends would.

An almost terrifying realization hits Will that afternoon when he zones out while waiting to be called in to get his stitches examined. He wants to have a mutually beneficial relationship with Frederick. Convincing himself that his slight obsession with the man is purely selfish on his part is just not working out anymore because it's not true. Not even a little. He wants more than to just unload all of his problems and feelings on another person. Will needs a new purpose in his life. He needs to care about somebody else, to be cared for, and to have a reason to move forward. Will thinks that maybe Frederick deserves to talk about his issues as well. He wants to listen to him and give advice. Maybe Frederick also deserves happiness. Will wants to help him fill his life with happy moments and make good memories to replace the horrifying ones. Before he can think about Frederick being deserving of love he's being pulled from his thoughts and led out of the waiting area to a room.

When he leaves he is finally free of his stitches. Will walks to his car with a small smile on his face knowing he'll be able to pick the dogs up tomorrow and get back to fishing. The only plans he has for the future include dogs, fishing, and drinking. He thinks that's alright for the time being. At some point, he'll have to start working on boat motors again, but for now, he's going to enjoy being a simple man living an uneventful life.

Unfortunately, his currently peaceful train of thought is derailed once he gets back out on the road. His mind begins to wander back to Frederick Chilton. Why can't he get Frederick, a man he loathed in the past, out of his head? Will is starting to see all of the man's awful qualities in a new light. Dr. Chilton always did his best to aggravate Will and make him extremely uncomfortable at every available opportunity. He got inside his head, treated him like one his patients, and said appalling things about him in court. It didn't take a genius to figure out Chilton was insecure, but Will had never cared about that until recently. He felt more forgiving toward Frederick these days. It's more clear than ever now that Frederick has always been starved for praise and love or really any kind of attention at all. He just went to extremes to get those things and lost himself along the way. Will wants to know who or what made him that way, and he wants to be the one to help Frederick heal and feel safe in his own skin.

As he pulls into his driveway he thinks about their future. He hopes that fate will lead them to each other again. Will isn't done with Frederick yet, and he thinks, maybe after everything that was said, Frederick is still holding on as well. Frederick Chilton is his last chance to have a real human connection with someone.

Saturday comes and so does Will's favorite nightmare. It's right on schedule as always. The birds are chirping and the sun is slowly rising when he's done washing off the gallon of sweat he acquired throughout the dream. He makes a bowl of cereal for himself before sitting down to watch the local news. Of course, he mutes the TV during the actual news segment; Will is only interested in the weather. He breathes a sigh of relief when the forecast pops up and shows a decent weekend. Warm and mostly dry--perfect June weather.

Today he is supposed to get his dogs back from Price and Zeller, so he plans to spend the evening outdoors with them. Then maybe if the gods allow him two nice days in a row he can have a relaxing fishing trip early Sunday morning. He just wants what every normal person has. Will may not be deserving of any of that necessarily, but it's what he wants and needs.

An hour away in Baltimore another man is awake and thinking about the day ahead. It probably makes more sense to call it panicking than thinking at this point though. Frederick had woken up from his Hannibal-centric nightmare around 4:30 a.m. After dreaming of Hannibal for seven consecutive nights he couldn't take it anymore. His dreams were a mix of Lecter and Gideon for the longest time until Will Graham showed up on his doorstep a week ago. Since that night, Gideon hadn't entered his mind even once. Frederick didn't imagine he would miss the man, but he is doing just that right now.

It's been five hours. Three hours were spent drinking and watching whatever cooking show was on in the early hours of the morning, and the other two had been spent trying to cook a random meal that was shown on the previously mentioned cooking show. It's nearly 10 o'clock when he decides to completely give up. He comes to the conclusion that cooking is a lot easier when you're not drunk.

While sitting around for a few hours Frederick figured out that the only way to solve his Hannibal problem would be to go see the man. He was not going to do that. Instead, he thought of the next best thing which was going to see Will. That was not optimal, but he'd be lying if he said he wasn't interested in speaking to him again. Frederick thought of Will's last words to him. He had visited Frederick in the hospital because he wanted to see him alive. Will said he felt guilty. The guilt was powerful enough to keep him away. Frederick really did not quite get it, but he wanted to. That's what had led him to his less than fun cooking adventure.

Getting drunk first thing in the morning was fine. Getting drunk while thinking about food and Will Graham was obviously a mistake. His brain had combined those two things together and gave him the idea to cook something for Will and take it to him as somewhat of an apology. Yes, over the course of a week he had managed to get over himself and admit he owed the guy a decent apology. He was a psychiatrist after all. He knew Will was as much of a victim as he was if not more so. Will was vulnerable and desperate, and he needed somebody. Frederick knew if there was ever a perfect time to help someone it was now and that person was Will Graham. He was also curious about the man's feelings toward him. What else had Will kept from Frederick all this time?

Now Frederick is sitting at the counter with his face in his hands wondering exactly what the hell he's going to do. He stops caring about the food; Will doesn't seem like the type of guy to care too deeply about a home-cooked meal anyway. Does he really want to go through with his plan? Not to mention a plan he's made while drunk. He wants to say no, but he knows it's his only option if he wants to continue living. Frederick knows he can't do anything right now, so he decides to take a nap. He curls up on the sofa and hopes he wakes feeling a tiny bit confident. Although if alcohol can't give him any confidence, he guesses sober him will be even more of a disappointment. At that thought, he closes his eyes and drifts off to sleep.

Frederick wakes up three hours later with a feeling that's not at all like confidence but something more akin to death instead. He thinks he can hear the rushing of blood inside his head and feel whatever organs he still has left failing. After a few minutes, he regains enough strength to pull himself up and slowly makes his way to the nearest bathroom. He pops two Advil tablets into his mouth before stripping and turning the shower on. Frederick allows the hot water to run over him for 15 minutes before he steps out. He starts to feel more alive than dead after getting dressed. A simple pair of dark wash jeans and a light gray t-shirt makes him look more presentable to the world. He really only cares about Will's opinion today though. Frederick fails at styling his hair and eventually heads back into the kitchen. He cleans up some of the mess he made earlier and puts the alcohol away for the time being. There's no time for overthinking, at least not until he begins his one hour drive to Wolf Trap that is.

His thoughts run wild for all of four minutes before he has to turn the radio on. Frederick finds the most distracting station he can--classic rock--and proceeds to raise the volume until he swears his ears are bleeding. Once half an hour passes, he lowers the volume as to not go entirely deaf. He continues to get closer to his destination while his anxiety continues to worsen. It takes a lot of control to hold back the panic attack he feels coming. Frederick knows he's driving the same roads he did the last time he was going to Will's house. Everything is so eerily familiar to him, and he has to swerve a couple of times to keep from going off the road. It's all almost too much to take in. He tries to stay focused during the remaining time.

By the time he gets himself parked in Will's driveway, he's breathing deeply and his whole body is trembling. Frederick sits there with his hands tightly gripping the steering wheel while he stares straight ahead. He notices his car is the only one in sight, and his heart leaps happily at the thought that Will may not even be home. The rush of endorphins doesn't last long. He looks down and sees his shirt covered in blood like before; he blinks and it's gone. Frederick didn't expect to be triggered coming here, but he also didn't consider the possibility that he likely has PTSD. Whether Will is home or not Frederick decides he can't handle the severe stress of being here again. Not being able to take control of his current situation, he leaves Wolf Trap and hopes he'll gain the courage to try again soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like this? Feel free to let me know how it was! I hope to have the next chapter posted in seven to eight days, but I have some things coming up this weekend that may delay the whole writing process. I'm sorry in advance, but I will have it out as soon as possible! Stay tuned. (Thanks for the kudos and for bookmarking this. It means a lot! xx)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will and Frederick's Saturday goes very differently, but their thoughts seem to be intertwined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. This chapter is almost two weeks late. I did intend for it to be late as I warned all of you before, but I didn't think it would take me this long. I made this chapter significantly shorter than I had originally planned it to be since I just wanted to get it out there for everybody to read. The next chapter shouldn't take as long, and I'm hopeful it will be of similar length as the other chapters. Thank you (:

The sun is still high up in the sky at four o'clock when Will arrives home with half of his pack; the other half is following behind him in Jimmy Price's car. He had never been happier to see his dogs. Their unconditional love would be his main form of comfort for the foreseeable future after all. He'd been happier to see Jimmy before though. It's a shame the man is probably going to ruin a day that had the potential to be good with whatever he's going to say. Price had insisted on helping him with his dogs and neither Will nor Brian were going to argue with him about it or anything else for that matter. The help is nice and somewhat appreciated, but there's always a catch.

What does Jimmy Price want? Is he wanting to go off on Will finally? Does he want to tell his own personal Hannibal sob story to make sure Will feels guilty? Maybe he wanted them to be out in the middle of nowhere for a reason. Right now Will thinks he'll allow Price to do whatever it is that will make him satisfied. Will deserves to suffer and Price deserves to be happy. That's just how it is in his mind.

The sound of a car door shutting brings Will back to reality. He greets his dogs as they run over to him. Between the kisses and nibbles, he barely notices Jimmy walking toward him. Will quickly raises up and prepares himself for the hit to the face he's expecting to receive. It doesn't come though and it makes him feel uneasy.

"Seven dogs sure is a lot." Jimmy's sudden remark catches Will off guard slightly, but it allows him to relax a bit. He still doesn't fully lower his defenses.

"They've never felt like a lot," Will replies softly. Price hums in acknowledgment.

They stand there awkwardly now, or at least Will does. He looks off into the distance, and he can feel Price's eyes on him. Jimmy is looking through him rather than looking at him; he seems to be in a distracted daze. They remain that way for what feels like the longest two minutes of Will's life until Winston begins to bark. It's all over once he starts. The others have to follow as well.

"Uh, they're probably getting hungry . . . I should go feed them." Will gives a strained smile and nods toward the house. Jimmy doesn't respond.

"Thanks for helping with the dogs," Will adds before he starts to turn and walk away.

"Wait," Price says and then pauses when Will looks back at him.

Will sighs at the thought of what's coming next. He could stop it or delay it. He could keep walking, or he could use that cold and dead heart of his to run Jimmy off for good. None of that will lead him in the right direction though. It won't help him move on--something he badly wants to do. So he does neither.

"Just say it." Will's words bring a surprised look onto Jimmy's face.

"Say what?" The surprise turns into discomfort which almost makes Will want to roll his eyes. Why does he always have to be the brave one?

"Whatever it is you've been keeping from me since you came to see me in the hospital. I'm all better now. I can take it."

"I've not been keeping anything--"

"It doesn't matter. Just say or do whatever is you're wanting to. I-I'm trying to be patient here. This is your time." Will really is trying hard to be patient. He certainly doesn't want to snap at Jimmy, but he can't pretend this is a conversation he wants to have.

Price regains some confidence and looks at him. "Alright. Well, uhm, I really haven't kept anything from you. I've just been trying to figure out what to say and when to say it. I won't make you listen though." He's giving him an out. Jimmy is nice that way, but Will won't take it.

"I am tired of listening, but you need to talk, so I will listen to you."

"I believe I should apologize first."

"Excuse me?" Will might snap for an entirely different reason. He knows for a fact there are zero people that should be apologizing to him. His brain is slightly malfunctioning at the thought of Jimmy Price being the first in line to do so.

"I'm sorry, Will. I think you're having a rougher time than all of us combined right now. I don't necessarily feel bad for you. I'm trying to. It's hard. I'm sure you understand that."

Will definitely understands. There's actually nothing he understands more now than the hatred and mixed feelings everyone has for him.

Jack and Alana's confusion toward him, a person they thought they knew, and his actions.

Brian's grudge he'll always hold against him for what happened to Beverly.

Frederick's fear of him. That one bothers Will the most. More than he can admit or even comprehend.

What Will has no understanding of is Jimmy's sympathy.

"You're sorry I'm having a hard time? Shouldn't you be--I don't know--hitting me or something?"

"Well, I won't say the thought hasn't crossed my mind several times . . . but I don't want to hurt you. I think you've been hurt enough," Jimmy muses. Will snorts at that.

"What are you wanting then? There's gotta be something," he responds dryly.

"I want to say sorry for what I've partially caused. For what we all caused. If we'd believed you in the beginning, I think things would be very different now. And I know I can't really apologize for everybody else, but I think they should themselves whether they want to or not."

For what they caused. Will knows they all know of course, but it's crazier to actually hear one of them acknowledge his . . . becoming. They didn't cause it, but they did everything in their power to ignore it. In a way, it makes sense for Price to be aware of what they've done since Beverly knew first, but she was also the reason many of them disregarded him.

"It's a little late for all of that now, Jimmy. I just want to move on. I don't care who's sorry and who's not." Will tries his best to sound like he doesn't have a care in the world, and he really doesn't for the most part. Unfortunately, Will cares very much about how a particular individual feels, but he knows the man certainly doesn't feel sorry for him.

"Yeah, I guess I understand. I just don't like thinking that we failed you in some way. Hell, even that idiotic doctor had it all figured out before we did and look at what we let happen to him." Jimmy's laughing softly, but Will can feel his pain. His guilt. Maybe that's just his own he's feeling at the brief mention of Chilton though.

"That idiotic doctor sort of took one for the team."

"I suppose he did . . . Have you talked to Dr. Chilton since everything?"

"No," Will lies easily. It's an odd sensation to hear Chilton's name out in the open after only hearing it in his head for the past week.

"Hm." Jimmy accepts his answer.

Silence and a sense of uneasiness fill the air around them. It lasts a moment too long for Will's liking, and he decides it's time to put an end to the encounter.

"I-I'm gonna go. The dogs." Will cringes at his inability to form a sentence.

"Oh, right! I'm sorry for keeping you. And them." He smiles sheepishly and bends down to say goodbye to the dogs.

"See you later, Jimmy."

"Hey, don't lose my number, alright?"

"Wouldn't dream of it," Will replies sincerely. He really wouldn't dream of it. Price and Zeller are the only people that will talk to him, and complete isolation would not help him move on even if the idea is extremely intriguing.

Jimmy doesn't know whether to trust his answer or not. He raises an eyebrow before sliding into the driver's seat of his car. Once again the loneliness returns, but at least Will has his dogs to comfort him and provide him with a distraction for the time being.

After Price leaves and the dogs have been fed, Will sets out on a short walk with his pack. Although his stomach doesn't cause him as much pain now that the stitches are gone, he still doesn't feel up to a long hike. Will thinks about how he hasn't watched the sunset in quite a while. It's a simple thing, but he wants to sit in the field with his dogs by his side and watch the sun go down.

Will ambles along for about 20 minutes before his body tells him to rest. He finds a spot in the grass and lies down. As he looks up at the colorful sky, Will imagines what it would be like to have someone lying next to him. Someone to see the same sky at the same moment as him. He tries to picture a faceless and nameless person. The thought is not entirely unpleasant, that is until the stranger begins to blur with a familiar face all of a sudden. Now, why is he thinking about watching the sunset with Frederick Chilton?

Just as Frederick is occupying Will's thoughts, Will is all Frederick can think about once he arrives home. He spent the hour-long drive trying to calm himself down. As smart as Fredrick is, he didn't take the time to think about Will's house being a potential trigger. That's what he gets for burying his trauma though. He didn't exactly want to bury it; he just wanted to never think about it ever again.

Once Frederick is home and has everything settled, he collapses onto the couch. He's exhausted and his heart hurts. Back when he was normal, he used to make jokes and remind people that he did in fact have a heart. Frederick was always very much aware of his own heart, but him actually using it wouldn't have furthered his career or reputation. Look at where that got him. There's no career, no reputation, and no success to chase anymore. There's nobody, and that thought hits him a lot harder than it should for an introvert.

Frederick had spent the majority of his career surrounded by different people. There was always someone around whether it was patients, employees, or socialites he felt forced to interact with. He found that to be very unfortunate even though that was the life he had chosen. It didn't take long for Frederick to realize he was moderately introverted once he started attending fancy events every weekend in addition to being at the hospital for 50 hours during the week. Each night he was exhausted, and he left every event feeling like one of his brain cells had been fried. Still, none of that changed how he lived his life.

Fast forward to the present where Frederick's hands are covering his face and trying to hold tears back. He thought the one good thing to come out of being jobless would be the absence of social interaction. Looking back now he wonders why he would think something so ignorant. It's hard enough for other people to tolerate him; it's illogical to believe he'd enjoy spending time with himself. Time was a luxury he never allowed himself, so there was never any time to get to know Frederick Chilton. He played the role of Dr. Chilton for so long that he doesn't even know a person by the name of Frederick now. The awareness of his current situation makes him feel less introverted and more despondent. The tears begin to come uncontrollably.

Even as he's crying over himself and his whole body is shaking, Will is the only person he's thinking of. What possessed him to make the impulsive decision to see Will? Frederick thinks whatever higher power was behind the failed attempt actually did them both a favor. If Will disliked Chilton, he would probably hate Frederick. The man may think he wants to be friends with him, but Frederick knows that Will could never come to respect somebody so weak and one-dimensional. Will has such a perplexing and intriguing mind which makes Frederick ponder why the man would waste even one thought on someone like him. He should feel repulsed at the thought or sight of Frederick. There's definitely no making sense of Will's visit or his feelings toward him either. You would've thought he'd been broken up with over text or something to show up out of the blue in the middle of the night like he did. Frederick wonders why he's now comparing their nonexistent relationship to the kind two lovers would have.

After the tears come to a stop, all he can feel is the pounding in his head. Frederick supposes that's better than anything else he's felt recently. Even so, he still has the same urge he has every day. Frederick makes his way into the kitchen to find a bottle or three. Once both of his hands are occupied with alcohol, he slowly lowers himself until he's sitting against the counter and on the cold floor. The sun hasn't even set when he takes his first drink. That evening Frederick drinks and drinks and drinks some more. Eventually, his hands go numb and the empty bottles roll away while his head falls to the side. Everything is blurry until it isn't anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again I am sorry. There's no interactions between Will and Frederick in this one. At least maybe there's more development to Will and Jimmy's relationship as well as Frederick's character. He really is going through it ): Anyway thank you for reading and waiting patiently. Chapter 4 will be an improvement! The kudos and comments and all of that are very much appreciated. <3

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I don't know how many chapters there will be yet, but there will be at least five. I want to update once a week or so if possible. Also, I will add tags as I go. For now, I just added the basic ones for possible spoiler reasons. Please let me know what you think and any helpful feedback you might have!


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